Curse...

I am cursed. Damn it!

i have totally no idea why am i feeling down. really down. Whenever i see her name, i go nuts. What am i suppose to do? I can't control anything. I can't stop her from contacting him. I can't stop him from being 'friends' with her. I can't make him understand how much it hurts me even have her name mention or see the things that she gave to him. I can't control my own feelings. Even he reassure me over and over again. 'Spana' she really is. He don't see it that way.

It took a huge chuck of me to forgive him and to start all over again. He don't understand how much. So much.. so so much. How i wish he understand how i feel. how she gives me nightmare. how i don't want our relationship to be wretched by her. why can't i stop having nightmares, is like a spell she cast on our relationship. I'm so tired, tired of fighting, fighting my own instinct. How i wish my instinct could be wrong, but is never wrong.

I love him so dearly, i don't want to be a possessive gf. I was never one yet slowly turning into one. I wish she would just disappear from our life. I hate myself for feeling this way. She like a wrath, clenching her claws on any guys who have a gf. Wrenching them apart is her hobby. Envious of other because she can't have it with her own bf. How can i fight such evil? I'm just a normal being.

I start to wonder, is there a problem with me? Is it wrong for me to feel this way? She scare the hell outta my wits. I cannot bear it for much longer. I'm at my limit. I know I'm capable of doing terrible things. Any human can. I don't want to resort to that,stomping as low as she. She is not worthy of my time.

Forget, forget, forget. Let him reassure me. That's all i can do right now. The day she will manage to wretch my relationship apart is the day i die.

Over my dead body.