i'm such a fool....

I knew it all along.. Ever since he met her again during Holloween when i was away in London. I didn't do anything about it.. I trusted him. And he betrayed my trust. Friends as they maybe but the love he had for her grew stronger. Never stopped him even he knew she had a bf.

He cared less and less for me...No phone calls, never find just because he misses but always because i ask him to. Making it worse, the way i was first introduced to her. He said he was going to toilet and left me with his friend, came back half an hour later with her. Wow..great, what a way to introduce a girl u supposely used to like to your gf. I had no idea that she was coming, u can't imaigine how i felt yet i had to hide behind my smile. The second time i met her, was exactly the same. She just turn up, according to him, he invited her. I was piss. But i did nothing.

The first argument we had, was also about her. I was shopping with wendy on boxing day, while waiting for her to be done. I saw him with HER and his friend tagging along behind. I don't know how to react. I just stoned right there. Earlier that day i had ask him to shop with me but he refused saying he promised his housemates to shop with them instead. Fine with me, called him half an hour before bumping into him asking who was with him. He said just another friend, his housemates went home.. He lie. I know he did. HE hang up on me so quickly and i can always sense in his voice when he lied. Later that nigh when everyone was over at my house for a party. I lost appetite. I couldn't bring myself to eat. After finish cooking i just locked myself in the room. He came to check on me. I ask him to explain himself. He told me he bump into her while waiting for his friend. And they decide to shop together. Hearing this makes me more piss. Just fucking tell me when i called u, is it that hard? Is there's nothing better you two why even bother to lie. I bump into him as well, but he didn't shop with me or ask me to shop together. I knew deep down inside me, he like her more than me. I just wouldn't admit it to myself there and then. I wished i would have..i really do.

I was working on New Year eve. There was a concert near my work place. He came over to pass me my ring that i left at his place. After work, i went to his place just to be with him. Even i knew he was with HER, news travel so fast in Aberdeen. I keep quiet. I ask him nth of it.(later i found out, she hugs and gave him a kiss after the countdown and he return the same) I fall sick the next day. When i was staying at his place, so sick that i'm always in the bed sleeping. Yet i know he was sneaking around smsing her. The look on his face told me everything. I did something i would never had to do. I read his smses. He kept all HER smses in another folder. There was more than 100.. By just reading a few, i couldn't bring myself to read anymore. HE gave HER a christmes present and CARD. In the card, apparrently he wrote a very long story about how he felt when he first met her. He even remeber the exact date. I was literrally heartbroken. Because he wrote in my card that i'm the first and only girl he ever got a present and card for Christmas. SHE miss him TOO, wished to see him. No one would reply TOO if u didn't say it first. I really wonder do he even think about my feeling before doing all this nononse with HER? Do i even exist in his heart? Nevertheless, i keep quiet. HE had exams coming. I didn't wanna disturb his studies.

He finished his exams a day before me birthday. The same day i went skiing with Jo. When i reach Aberdeen about 7, I tried to call him. Over and over again. Everyone was gonna go out with me to celebrate my bday. And he's not around. He's never around when i need him the most. He called me late afternoon the next day. I half expected he wouldn't turn up. We had a talk that night. He didn't know that i knew so much. I ask of him to contact her less. Just be hi bye friends. He said he would try. i believe him. I really did. I was such a fool. When we went to Sweden, I was so happy till the last day. I was cooking breakfast, need his help with the eggs. Saw him on the computer. Chatting with her. TEN in the morning. What a coincident. I couldn't help myself. i broke down literally. I have tried to hard to close one eye to make the the trip memorable and pleasant. And he have to do this. WHY!! He just left me alone in the cafeteria. I really didn't want to spoil the holiday. I took a deep breath and put on my mask.

When we were on the bus to the airport later that night, the seat was mostly occupied and we had to seat separately. He was sitting infront of me. I just tap his shoulder to tell him something and i saw her sms him and he was about to reply. I look away not wanting to know what's the content of the sms. It might drive me nuts. So on the quiet bus ride, i began to think. I ask him to contact her less. HE might take it as he didn't initiate the smses and don't feel any guilt by replying them. When we reach glasgow that night. We had another talk. No tears. Just talk. HE finally admitted they have been smsing even when he was on a holiday with me. He just said he reply sms. He didn't initiated. I was really dissapointed in him. He make me believe him and yet sneaking behind my back. I told myself i had enough. I was really tired and frustrated.i told him, if there's HER there's no me and there's me there's no HER.

When we reach Aberdeen the next night,i ask for an answer. HE couldn't give me one. HE ask me for time. With a heavy heart, i gave in. I should have stop it there and then. If SHE was important to him, it wouldn't be any difficulty of being hi bye friends. But no, i was a fool.

Yesterday night well early this morning, i was talking to him about Jo. About her waiting. I ask him will i wait in vain? HE said he'll tell me after Valentine's DAY which is today. I knew there and then that was the end of our relationship. I force it out of him. I couldn't bear spending Valentine's Day with someone who is just doing it because he need to and not because he wanted to. I cried till there was no more tears in my eyes and i still cried without tears. I didn't understand. Why could he let her go? Do he really love her more than me? Maybe i was such a lousy gf, difficult to pleased. I was just on the phone with him without much just the sound of me cying. I am so heartbroken. I shouldn't have let my guards down. I was really a fool. If wendy hadn't called, I wouldn't have the courage to hang up the phone on him. Thanks babe! U always save me from my most difficult position.

That's it. None of my bfs had ever spent Valentine's Day with me except for Kelvin(Noy only one but 2 Valentines,however we didn't pass the third). I think i'm cursed to be alone on Valentine's.

Well to all my friends, have a great Happy Valentine's Day, I'm sure is better than me.