where do i stand?

Sometimes i wonder, where do i stand? In the hearts of people around me..

I talked to my half sis on saturday and she told me that my dad just came back from Japan, brought alot of stuffs etc etc...i was like ok! good!then i went to bed i was thinking...Wait a minute...How come my dad went to Japan and i don't even know about it? hmm...fine..whatever...really..

I got so bloody used to knowing everything last...that's if i ever find out.. Am i invisible? Doesn't my existence mean something? I wonder sometimes...really really had a good thought about it...And i realise i'm just a mistake. That's it. Nothing more nothing less.

I'm so envious when i see happy children with happy parents. Parents who really care for their child. I got so envious once when my boyfriend's dad wrote him a letter(considering his parents calls him everyday!) that i cry. Tears just flow out of my eyes. I didn't even intend to cry, i just did. i feel like a fool sometimes when i talked about my 'parents' to my boyfriend. He don't understand. I don't blame him, he's so lucky that he will never understand my 'parents'.

I'm thankful,really. To my boyfriend and Jo. For always being there when i need them. That's all i need.